There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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