Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
