how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
