we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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