I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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