There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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