I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
