By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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