Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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