i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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