well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
