I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
