Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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