i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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