I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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