can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
