We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
