i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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