Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
