he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
