By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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