it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
