cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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