This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
