The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
