i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
