it's too hot outside to masturbate.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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