Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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