the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
