There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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