dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
