meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We're too hungover to prance.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
