I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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