Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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