LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
