just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
