successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
