I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I love you. Go after that dick
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
