let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
