I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
