I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
