for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
