Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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