is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I party with great urgency now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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