I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you never un-have a 4some
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
