can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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