Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
