Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
