Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
