3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
