I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
