are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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