I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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