i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
