I cannot find my penis.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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