I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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