I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
my poor anus
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
