Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
