Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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