I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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