I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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