put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
