Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
