Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
