are you so shy because you have an std?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
