I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
