im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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