My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
