Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
