I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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