So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
