my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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