im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
