dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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